Surrogate Self-Care: What To Do When Your Milk Comes In
First of all—wow. You’re incredible. Carrying and delivering a baby for someone else is an act of deep love and generosity. As your due date approaches, it’s important to consider: What are the best ways to manage my milk supply?
Although you may have used your breast milk to nourish your own children, handling lactation after a surrogate pregnancy requires some forethought.
First things first: you have options. What you choose to do with your breast milk after delivery is entirely up to you. It’s a personal decision — and there’s no “right” choice, just the one that fits your body, your life, and your heart.
Here’s a breakdown of the three main paths you can take, plus a few empowering updates since this topic first started circulating in surrogacy circles.
What Are My Options?
Option 1: Pump for the Intended Parents
Some intended parents may want to give their baby the incredible benefits of breast milk (hello, immune-boosting superpowers!) — and they might ask you to pump for them. If this is something you’re comfortable with, it can be a beautiful way to extend your care for this baby just a little longer.
Pumping for intended parents usually comes with financial compensation because your time and effort matter. Your surrogacy agency and legal team should make sure everything is spelled out clearly in your contract before baby arrives. Don’t hesitate to include a set time-frame for this based on your preferences.
Pro Tip: If you go this route, connect with a lactation consultant to build a pumping plan that works for your body and schedule. Many consultants are familiar with surrogate-specific situations, including how to establish and gradually wean your milk supply when it’s time to stop.
Option 2: Donate Your Breast Milk
If the intended parents choose to formula feed, your liquid gold could still help babies in need. Premature babies in the NICU, adoptive families, and parents facing feeding challenges often rely on donated breast milk to give their little ones the best start possible.
Organizations like the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) make it easier than ever to screen, store, and donate milk safely. While some milk banks do ask for a minimum donation, often around 100-200 ounces, many also offer flexibility for surrogates, understanding the unique nature of your journey.
Donating milk can be a meaningful way to extend the incredible gift you’ve already given — but remember, it’s also a commitment. Frequent pumping takes time, energy, and serious dedication. Whether you go all-in or decide it’s not the right fit, you’re still a rockstar.
Option 3: Suppress Lactation or Dry Up Milk
Let’s be clear — there’s absolutely no obligation to pump or donate if that’s not what your body or life needs right now. Many surrogates choose to focus on postpartum healing without ongoing lactation, and that’s 100% okay.
The key is drying up safely to avoid the dreaded pain parade of engorgement, clogged ducts, and mastitis.
Here’s where we get a little passionate — while the old-school cabbage leaf trick might be part of your grandma’s postpartum lore, we’ve come a long way since then. Today, you have options that are more effective, convenient, and smell a whole lot better.
CaboCréme Extra Strength harnesses the power of concentrated cabbage extract to gently ease engorgement and support the natural drying-up process. Trusted by healthcare practitioners, lactation consultants, and real moms alike, it can be one of the best tools in your arsenal to reduce your milk supply without painful engorgement.
Did you know you can avoid lactating altogether? Take CaboCréme with you to delivery, apply within 24-28 hours, and suppress milk production. Yes, CaboCréme will prevent the milk from coming in if applied early.
Extra Empowerment Tip: Your lactation or healthcare consultant can guide you through the whole drying-up process. You don’t have to white-knuckle it through this transition.
You’re already the hero
At the end of the day, there’s no wrong way to handle your post-surrogacy breast milk. Whether you’re pumping for the intended parents, donating to a milk bank, or choosing to dry up right away — it’s your choice.
If you’re unsure which option is right for you, reach out to your care team — your healthcare practitioner, lactation consultant, and surrogacy specialist are all there to help you make the best decision for you. Be ready with CaboCréme so you can make the transition smoothly.
